I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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