found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
