Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
