He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
