we have officially lost it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
