if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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