Can i not drive my cunt home
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
