chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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