The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
