If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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