Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
