The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
