I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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