1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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