I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
