I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
