she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
