Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
