so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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