Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
