he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
