"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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