She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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