While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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