Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
