apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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