Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
