speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
