The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
