Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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