How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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