dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
