but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
