Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
