I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
