I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
