he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
