Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
