just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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