I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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