Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
