Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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