Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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