Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
