My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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