we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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