He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
