After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
