I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
