i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
