Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
