Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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