hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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