He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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