I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
