Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
