he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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