Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you would pick up someone in the library
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
