I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
