I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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