you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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