Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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