Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize