my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
