I got chris browned last night
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
