Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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