she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A+ Viking dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
