OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
